This weekend with my computer has afforded me a chance to finally catch up on fall t.v. . Also, due to not having roommates or glasses, and thus only being able to read about 20 minutes every couple of hours, it let me watch...well...lets say...a lot of t.v.. All of it basically. All show's I'd care about at all. So as a public service to you all , here's Cam's fall t.v. opinions.
Alien Invasion Shows : Threshold (cbs) vs. Invasion (abc):
Well first let me say that I choose not to review "Surface" because all sea monsters, and especially all aliens underwater are stupid. Exhibit A: Sphere, Exhibit B: Seaquest DSV and so on. That Ironically brings us to ABC's Eddie Cibrian vehicle and "gee I want to be as good as Lost" attempt on the Alien invasion genre "Invasion". Besides the wickedly inventive title the cast offers a who's who of b-list Canadian actors including Kari Matchett and Tyler Labine a.k.a That lady from every Canadian t.v. movie ever and the fat buddy of the more talented actors of Breaker High. Overall it reeks of showrunner Shaun Cassidy and his "American Gothic" formula. This time it's not Demonic forces and fractured family but "Invasion of the Body snatchers" rip-off and fractured family which plays off way worse considering they aren't a gross deep south family but a good looking Florida family. Thus far it hasn't teased at much coolness other than creepy sheriffs (still ripping off "Gothic") and though some of the aliens are on land, their pods are submerged in a Florida swamp making it dangerously close to being a show about aliens underwater. It does garner mild props for having a hurricane tearing apart a town in it and still being shown and also the weird hot-ugly stepsister of the family. Its no Lost though, it's barely even a "V: the series" but you wont die if you leave the t.v. on after Lost and it'll probably be around for a while riding the ratings coattails of it's bigger brother.
Now Threshold is quite a different show indeed. This one is much more procedural focused a la the cool original "The 4400" miniseries (before it got all "different superman every week!"). Here we know aliens have invaded, we aren't following a Will Smith in Independence Day-esque cop and his family v.s. the aliens and we also manage to have some black people in this show. This show wins for casting having the fantastic breasts of Carla Gugino, the data charm of Brent Spiner, the baldman rage of Charles S. Dutton, the "hey its that guy from Felicity" charm of Robert Patrick Benedict and that midget from the station agent Peter Dinklage. I like it simply because it's a kind of "what would we do if aliens actually invaded...actually". Its the government, they form a team, they suspend civil liberties and they try to cover it up. Also its such a weird team of a "contingency expert", a biologist, an aeronautical engineer, a soldier dude and a linguist. Wha? But it's always funny to see a linguist solving things. This one gains props for going the side of hard sci-fi in a soft climate and not quite falling for a "hunting down every superman, every week" just yet. Oh and casting creepy Tom Cruise cousin William Mapother as the O.G. alien dude. Again, stolen from Lost but I forgive you.
So yeah , it basically comes down to this: Do you prefer a cute, scene stealing cat named Carlita or a cute scene stealing French bulldog named Monster.
I choose the bulldog. If I'm ever home on Fridays I'll watch Threshold.
and the party train keeps rolling.
Best Half Hour: How I met your mother vs. My name is Earl vs. Everybody hates Chris vs. Kitchen Confidential:
Okay, too many here. I'll be quick
Mom:Lamest ever.really. Tries to take the Large arc twists that have made the hour-longs popular and apply it to a sitcom, doesn't work. Squanders voice talent of Bob Saget and spaz talent of Jason Segel, the medical awesomeness of Dougie Howzer and the lesbian witch powers of Allison Hannigan in one not funny blow. How the fuck do you do that?
Kitchen: Great cast obviously wooed by "Sex and the City" creator Darren Star. Head writer of American Dad and Jesse takes the awesome life of Anthony Bourdain and turns it into a lame lame lame show. Unless the main character is stabbing people and doing tons of coke it's not the same. Skip the show, even if it has such awesome actors and read the books. Every page has more laughs than even one of the episodes. Just proves Candace Bushnell is total B.S. and not to let Star's hands on good material. Oh and the flaming gay guy is named Cameron. fuck you
Chris: Nigger usage. That got me. It's not quite as good as his stand up, a little to heart warming, but the cast is funny and every once and a while some actual Rock comedy slips through. Its alright.
Earl: Meh. Feh. It's kind of funny like an episode of Ed is funny. Also heartwarming. Why is everything heartwarming? what happened to post-9/11 cynicism. Definitely worthwhile while set up with an episode of the constantly hilarious American take on "the Office". I'll give it a chance, it seems to be expanding.
To be safe Just watch Arrested Development and Weeds.
Monsters!!!!!!!!!: Night Stalker vs. Supernatural:
Okay, this'll be quick.
First off, fuck you busstop, Supernatural is nothing like "The O.C. with ghosts". that would be interesting. This is boring cute brothers (including Dean from Gilmore girls) hunting their dad, their girlfriend's killer and various episodic demons. It would be a crappy syndicated show if not for the larger arc. Uhm. yeah. It's just... As good as being bored, then watching an episode of something because nothing else is on and thinking "meh, thats alright. I'll watch this next time nothing else is on"
Night Stalker is also so-so. Stuart Townsend is always under utilized and Gabrielle Union is surprisingly alright buuuuuut that's as far as it goes. It's x-files showrunner makes it too x-filesey. After I heard that the original series "Kolchak: The Night Stalker" was like Columbo v.s. Vampires i was excited. There is no hint of Colombo in this and replace vampires with Psychic evil dudes and devil dogs. yeah. Don't care.
Winner? None. Monster shows haven't been good Since the x-files. Sorry.
Fancy Pants HBO fare of the year:Rome :
HBO made me fall in love with the wild west and American west history with Deadwood, which is surprising because I hate cowboy shows. I had hoped their magic touch would work on Rome since I love classical history (it was my major in 1st year) but hate hate hate epic bullshit.
Well folks, it's epic bullshit. First, everyone talks like Michael York with that snooty British accent. Also it's like someone skimmed a textbook on ancient history and only read the orange little box things like "Romans crucified people" , "Romans cared alot about how they looked", "The senate was rife with problems". This is also painfully obvious in their obsession with graffiti and it's importance in Roman society, something that is passably interesting when you first take an archeology/classical history 100 class but beyond that...ITS STUPID. I'm hugely surprised there weren't any homosexual references based on their pop-culture based knowledge. Anyway, like any HBO show I might give it more of a chance to expand, but with out the millions of "cocksucker" references of Deadwood it's just hard to impress me with Spear chucking and Gallic warriors. Here's a hint HBO don't try to make a show out of something Shakespeare adapted into a play, he'll always beat you. Except of course for my "Verona High" concept. man that's good.
anyway, In conclusion, most new shows suck and I need a girlfriend. If you are going to watch something new, watch Veronica Mars which still is my favorite show on t.v. and 100 times better now that it's reaping the rewards of a post-Joss Whedon/Marti Noxon t.v. scape by poaching the best writers and actors. It has all the long arcs and short arcs you need AND it proves Enrico Colantoni IS enough for you to have seen every episode of "Just Shoot me".
Yes, we all knew what you were watching afterschool in 12th grade.
Thus ends the public service. I hope you enjoyed it.
If you need a more in depth analysis of any of these shows just give me a beer and ask.
CAM
Alien Invasion Shows : Threshold (cbs) vs. Invasion (abc):
Well first let me say that I choose not to review "Surface" because all sea monsters, and especially all aliens underwater are stupid. Exhibit A: Sphere, Exhibit B: Seaquest DSV and so on. That Ironically brings us to ABC's Eddie Cibrian vehicle and "gee I want to be as good as Lost" attempt on the Alien invasion genre "Invasion". Besides the wickedly inventive title the cast offers a who's who of b-list Canadian actors including Kari Matchett and Tyler Labine a.k.a That lady from every Canadian t.v. movie ever and the fat buddy of the more talented actors of Breaker High. Overall it reeks of showrunner Shaun Cassidy and his "American Gothic" formula. This time it's not Demonic forces and fractured family but "Invasion of the Body snatchers" rip-off and fractured family which plays off way worse considering they aren't a gross deep south family but a good looking Florida family. Thus far it hasn't teased at much coolness other than creepy sheriffs (still ripping off "Gothic") and though some of the aliens are on land, their pods are submerged in a Florida swamp making it dangerously close to being a show about aliens underwater. It does garner mild props for having a hurricane tearing apart a town in it and still being shown and also the weird hot-ugly stepsister of the family. Its no Lost though, it's barely even a "V: the series" but you wont die if you leave the t.v. on after Lost and it'll probably be around for a while riding the ratings coattails of it's bigger brother.
Now Threshold is quite a different show indeed. This one is much more procedural focused a la the cool original "The 4400" miniseries (before it got all "different superman every week!"). Here we know aliens have invaded, we aren't following a Will Smith in Independence Day-esque cop and his family v.s. the aliens and we also manage to have some black people in this show. This show wins for casting having the fantastic breasts of Carla Gugino, the data charm of Brent Spiner, the baldman rage of Charles S. Dutton, the "hey its that guy from Felicity" charm of Robert Patrick Benedict and that midget from the station agent Peter Dinklage. I like it simply because it's a kind of "what would we do if aliens actually invaded...actually". Its the government, they form a team, they suspend civil liberties and they try to cover it up. Also its such a weird team of a "contingency expert", a biologist, an aeronautical engineer, a soldier dude and a linguist. Wha? But it's always funny to see a linguist solving things. This one gains props for going the side of hard sci-fi in a soft climate and not quite falling for a "hunting down every superman, every week" just yet. Oh and casting creepy Tom Cruise cousin William Mapother as the O.G. alien dude. Again, stolen from Lost but I forgive you.
So yeah , it basically comes down to this: Do you prefer a cute, scene stealing cat named Carlita or a cute scene stealing French bulldog named Monster.
I choose the bulldog. If I'm ever home on Fridays I'll watch Threshold.
and the party train keeps rolling.
Best Half Hour: How I met your mother vs. My name is Earl vs. Everybody hates Chris vs. Kitchen Confidential:
Okay, too many here. I'll be quick
Mom:Lamest ever.really. Tries to take the Large arc twists that have made the hour-longs popular and apply it to a sitcom, doesn't work. Squanders voice talent of Bob Saget and spaz talent of Jason Segel, the medical awesomeness of Dougie Howzer and the lesbian witch powers of Allison Hannigan in one not funny blow. How the fuck do you do that?
Kitchen: Great cast obviously wooed by "Sex and the City" creator Darren Star. Head writer of American Dad and Jesse takes the awesome life of Anthony Bourdain and turns it into a lame lame lame show. Unless the main character is stabbing people and doing tons of coke it's not the same. Skip the show, even if it has such awesome actors and read the books. Every page has more laughs than even one of the episodes. Just proves Candace Bushnell is total B.S. and not to let Star's hands on good material. Oh and the flaming gay guy is named Cameron. fuck you
Chris: Nigger usage. That got me. It's not quite as good as his stand up, a little to heart warming, but the cast is funny and every once and a while some actual Rock comedy slips through. Its alright.
Earl: Meh. Feh. It's kind of funny like an episode of Ed is funny. Also heartwarming. Why is everything heartwarming? what happened to post-9/11 cynicism. Definitely worthwhile while set up with an episode of the constantly hilarious American take on "the Office". I'll give it a chance, it seems to be expanding.
To be safe Just watch Arrested Development and Weeds.
Monsters!!!!!!!!!: Night Stalker vs. Supernatural:
Okay, this'll be quick.
First off, fuck you busstop, Supernatural is nothing like "The O.C. with ghosts". that would be interesting. This is boring cute brothers (including Dean from Gilmore girls) hunting their dad, their girlfriend's killer and various episodic demons. It would be a crappy syndicated show if not for the larger arc. Uhm. yeah. It's just... As good as being bored, then watching an episode of something because nothing else is on and thinking "meh, thats alright. I'll watch this next time nothing else is on"
Night Stalker is also so-so. Stuart Townsend is always under utilized and Gabrielle Union is surprisingly alright buuuuuut that's as far as it goes. It's x-files showrunner makes it too x-filesey. After I heard that the original series "Kolchak: The Night Stalker" was like Columbo v.s. Vampires i was excited. There is no hint of Colombo in this and replace vampires with Psychic evil dudes and devil dogs. yeah. Don't care.
Winner? None. Monster shows haven't been good Since the x-files. Sorry.
Fancy Pants HBO fare of the year:Rome :
HBO made me fall in love with the wild west and American west history with Deadwood, which is surprising because I hate cowboy shows. I had hoped their magic touch would work on Rome since I love classical history (it was my major in 1st year) but hate hate hate epic bullshit.
Well folks, it's epic bullshit. First, everyone talks like Michael York with that snooty British accent. Also it's like someone skimmed a textbook on ancient history and only read the orange little box things like "Romans crucified people" , "Romans cared alot about how they looked", "The senate was rife with problems". This is also painfully obvious in their obsession with graffiti and it's importance in Roman society, something that is passably interesting when you first take an archeology/classical history 100 class but beyond that...ITS STUPID. I'm hugely surprised there weren't any homosexual references based on their pop-culture based knowledge. Anyway, like any HBO show I might give it more of a chance to expand, but with out the millions of "cocksucker" references of Deadwood it's just hard to impress me with Spear chucking and Gallic warriors. Here's a hint HBO don't try to make a show out of something Shakespeare adapted into a play, he'll always beat you. Except of course for my "Verona High" concept. man that's good.
anyway, In conclusion, most new shows suck and I need a girlfriend. If you are going to watch something new, watch Veronica Mars which still is my favorite show on t.v. and 100 times better now that it's reaping the rewards of a post-Joss Whedon/Marti Noxon t.v. scape by poaching the best writers and actors. It has all the long arcs and short arcs you need AND it proves Enrico Colantoni IS enough for you to have seen every episode of "Just Shoot me".
Yes, we all knew what you were watching afterschool in 12th grade.
Thus ends the public service. I hope you enjoyed it.
If you need a more in depth analysis of any of these shows just give me a beer and ask.
CAM
posted by Cam at 9:00 PM
5 Comments:
Wait, isn't the person who is reading this blog so often they catch a post 9 minutes after it's posted a moron?
Cam posts this kind of stuff all the time. We all know he's a moron, you dont need to rub it in.
Personally I take all my pop culture cues from the man. And if he says it, it is law. Moron's don't usually create law in my books (at least not in Canada).
Anyone who says different can come collect a fucking fist in the jaw.
If I was your girlfriend, we could watch TV DVDs like Star Trek: the Next Generation and pretend that TV is good again.
(Of course we wouldn't really be watching, we'd be making out instead.)
Staying up and listening to the Smiths like a good old fashioned loser. (Nothing wrong with that.) It's not Star Trek, it's the boy's beaming presense.
It's the glasses.
Hopefully he finds them soon.
You're anonymous stalkers are amusing
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