When there's nothing left to burn. (Thats why they call me Mr.Fahrenheit)

So in the space of a day...well 12 hours or lets say 6ish hours I was both partially on fire and involved in a large and confusing robbery situation.

One cannot come out of that stress without feeling that there was a less of some sort to be learned or, perhaps more importantly, a lesson to be taught.

I don't know what that lesson is. But here are my best long winded stabs at it:

1) Being on fire was a new experience. I always had assumed that if a large part of me set ablaze, regardless of the situation I'd make it well known. Instead I was kind of in shock just staring at myself in the mirror with the upper portion of my arm on fine. Also, I immediately put my other hand into the fire to smother it. Of course that didn't work and burnt my other hand a little. It was a good 20 seconds before i had the gumption to rip off my shirt and put out the fire. But just the fact that a calm came over me as I burst into flame...that's the kind of thing you think

Man, this is what writers live for. I can finally get something across most people haven't experienced.

Then while describing it someone goes "that really reminds me of the part from Me,You and Everyone You know where the guy lights his hand on fire."

Then you can just curse Baudrillard and every essay you ever read him for and go back to your Bottle of beer.

2) I thought I had the find of the year with a Burberry shirt from Value Village. I never even considered the relative flammability of clothes.

One tends to assume that as quality goes up, so does the imperviousness to fire. But now I have a one sleeved Burberry shirt and yet somehow I managed to survive major injuries due to my brave little American Apparel long sleeved which might just be able to survive as a short-sleeved mod.

Next time you drop a mint on a shit, think about how it might service you in times of emergency. Come on.

3) Bravery is a thing which does not come naturally. Well, I suppose not bravery but something along that line. Altruism?

A few weeks ago I saved myself from security harassment at possibly the cost of my friends but I didn't feel too bad. Friday night, I saved myself (and by proxy the girl I was with) unknowingly at the cost of my friends. My gut reaction is to avoid trouble at all costs. Selfishly or what have you. I don't know.

My friend Mike took a series of punches to the face and I stayed far and called the police.

I don't know how to feel about this. I feel bad for not getting punched in the face. Thats a little insane.

More insane is the fact that many people seem to think my going out drinking while badly burnt is more brave than being pummeled by hooligans.

4) It is hard sometimes in epic situations to not see your life in an epic light. Were I swayed to the epic I'd think the lesson was something about love.

We left the club early and were walking the direction we were walking to take some girls who we'd just met to some party in hopes of impressing them and, ultimately, who knows what. We've forgotten our names by now.

Then we get robbed. They leave even after numerous punches are taken for them (by others).

Simple lesson: only act on true love?

If I actually liked any of those girls maybe I'd have stood up for them slightly. This could have gone better and/or I could have been stabbed. But there would be your epic ending instead of a fizzle.

Beyond that how many girls have I severely traumatized in my life. Three?

I guess it's pretty self-centered to think you ever traumatized anyone and were anything but the butt of a terrible joke in their lives. But come on...beatings...sexual issues...accidental emotional crushing...

Four. Definitely four.

5) A really bad wound is a conversation starter for a while. Then the conversation gets boring or embarrassing. Eventually you want to hide it.

Chicks might dig scars but the story behind that scar gets boring pretty fast. Especially if it's boring or embarrassing.

If you want a scar injure yourself on purpose in controlled and badass situations.

6) I no longer trust the police in just about any matter. How in the course of a week do they manage to disappoint me in numerous regards. I hope I never have to use 911 for a real emergency that isn't resolved by a few punches to the face.

One of you should grow up to be Batman. Then I'll feel better.

6 is enough

Cam