Dear Ndugu

Forgive a little self indulgence but I feel it's always best to reflect upon a trip home and two things i've learned seem to stick out

There's a 1996 Timothy Hutton vehicle which always plays on t.v. called "Beautiful Girls" which I managed to catch a few times over the course of the summer. I'd seen it a few times before egged on by both a poster of it in my highschool T.V. classroom (the posters were all of obscure movies our one teacher worked promotions on and it became a bit of a challenge to each student to watch them all) and by a list which noted Rosie O'Donnel's rant in the film as one of the "funniest scenes of all time" (The placement of which I disagree with but it included the underwater fight from "Top Secret" so I let it slide).

Regardless the film sports only one really standout interesting plotline following Hutton falling in love with his 13 year old neighbor played by Natalie Portman. They often joke how he's the bumbling Pooh bear to her more level headed Christopher Robin. In the end faced by her actually asking him out and his friends who are fathers wanting to beat the shit out of him he ends things telling her she'll forget about him in 5 years when boys actually start to see her and of course he ends it off by saying "Anyway the book ends with Christopher Robin growing too old and forgetting about Pooh".

Therein I think lies a big teenage/young adult fear of friendship vs. growing up and also therein lies a complete fallacy.

Everyone is afraid eventually they'll become boring or seem too much like the past and their friends will grow out of them as their Silly old Pooh. nobody wants to be that fat bear that seemingly due to stupidity and lack of dexterity can't get honey.

So, as teenagers we try our best to become more unique and interesting and, to extend a metaphor, to become Tiggers in our own way. I mean compare describing "a bear who wants hunny" to "Oh, he's not a tiger, he's a tigger. He bounces on his tail and is fun and, most importantly, he's absolutely the only one in the world". The latter description is definitely more badass. The kind of description you want to give while flinging a stuffed animal to the side before reclining someone on your bed to fuck them senseless. So yes, who wouldn't want to be a tigger?
But in the end i've found that it's that ingrained constant striving for change and uniqueness which drives us apart. We all find talents and follow strange paths to remain interesting individuals but our old friends and our past really just want Pooh bear to stay the same. It becomes hard to talk to people not because they just say the same things over and over but because they are saying things that confuse you or are so far off from what you are used to you are taken aback. Nobody should ever feel because they've lost old friends they are the neglected teddy bear in the back of the closet as, for the most part, you've lost friends simply because you've changed and become so unique those friends cannot relate to you anymore.

Something that always pisses me off about "in my day" speeches from adults is how now, due to the internet, we are expected to stay close with all our friends and keep lifelong connections with everyone from at least highschool back.

Growing apart is a natural process, not one of neglect and inconvenience and sure it's sad but it's just going to happen. Maybe someday your paths will cross in a way which you are interesting to eachother again but the saddest thing a person can do is maintain a relationship simply for show when you don't understand or care for someone anymore.

And now...to shift that opinion completely.


The best Superman story never written would be one wherein Lex Luthor never existed. No Metallo, no Darkseid, no Gorilla Grodd. If there were no villains superman would never need to use his powers and if he did you'd better believe average joes would put a kryptonite bullet in his brain faster than you can say man of steel.

One of the greatest shifts I went through from highschool to modern day is going from "nice guy who finished last" to "amusingly amoral disaffected dude". This was a change I always chalked up to growing older or beating beat down or some such thing but this summer I've realized there's a direct cause:

My Arch-Nemesis is gone.

Heck, my entire Rouge's Gallery is completely in shambles. Moving to Vancouver means having basically all brand new friends and constantly meeting new people means both that a) people I originally dislike or clash with can quite quickly become close friends and b) Friends become people I dislike so frequently and easily there's no point holding a grudge. This tends to leave me without people I hate with any consistent bile.

Without a detestable person for both myself and others to compare me to I become much less nice and heroic in the eyes of others. I'm not constantly beset upon by evil deeds of others so why feel sorry? I'm not constantly battling for myself or anyone else against something so why am I the nice, awesome guy?

The strangest thing of all is I miss my Nemesis.

And not just for the way she made me feel good about myself. I miss just hanging out and talking. I miss the vitriolic wordplay. I miss the deep emotional blows. The other day I passed by her house and you know, with the amount of time you spend battling someone in their lair it becomes a veritable home away from home. When I think back I must have spent New Years with them and we celebrated every birthday together and had many summer barbeques full of fun and laughs.

God damn it they were more than just an Arch-Nemesis...apparently they were one of my best friends.

And what's the options for reconcilliation there? Should one throw insults in their general direction and hope that they picks up and aims back or should one go with tail tucked between their legs and try to be friends instead of foes?

Growing up is such a strange process...and I'm such a strange person....

we are perfect for eachother.