How to survive at a party when you are the least hip person there
- Seek out a the most annoying people there and quickly form some sort of a team unit before they realize that you don't know anybody or are uncool. They will love the attention.
- Talk to people you went to highschool with. They'll at least stick around long enough to ensure that they are probably happier or more successful than you. Maybe they still like the same stuff they liked in highschool?
- Don't talk to the rappers. Even if they seem cool and down to earth and spin music you like. They have had dinner with Ghostface at P.F. Chang's whereas you have only seen Ice Cube once from across the street.
- Talk to your brother's ex girlfriends. You probably look and sound enough like him to keep their attention for at least a few minutes.
- Don't talk to your brother's current girlfriend or she might bring you up in a fight sometime and he doesn't need that right now.
- Now is not the time to dance.
- When you are force to stand and stare into space for hours at a time without someone to talk to for god's sake lean and put your hands in your pockets. You want to sit or stand straight with your arms folded but those are creepy.
- Text message or, barring that, pretend to text message. It makes you look popular and give's the non-smoking set something to do with their hands.
- Try to look aimless. People generally look like they want to go somewhere and do something and you must wipe this from your face or you'll scare people away. If you are a blank slate someone will think you are deep or something and probably talk to you.
- Get "I don't care anymore" drunk/high but not "I'm sad that I don't care anymore" drunk/high.
- Find your shoes early and place them strategically for easy exit.
- Seek out a the most annoying people there and quickly form some sort of a team unit before they realize that you don't know anybody or are uncool. They will love the attention.- Talk to people you went to highschool with. They'll at least stick around long enough to ensure that they are probably happier or more successful than you. Maybe they still like the same stuff they liked in highschool?
- Don't talk to the rappers. Even if they seem cool and down to earth and spin music you like. They have had dinner with Ghostface at P.F. Chang's whereas you have only seen Ice Cube once from across the street.
- Talk to your brother's ex girlfriends. You probably look and sound enough like him to keep their attention for at least a few minutes.
- Don't talk to your brother's current girlfriend or she might bring you up in a fight sometime and he doesn't need that right now.
- Now is not the time to dance.
- When you are force to stand and stare into space for hours at a time without someone to talk to for god's sake lean and put your hands in your pockets. You want to sit or stand straight with your arms folded but those are creepy.
- Text message or, barring that, pretend to text message. It makes you look popular and give's the non-smoking set something to do with their hands.
- Try to look aimless. People generally look like they want to go somewhere and do something and you must wipe this from your face or you'll scare people away. If you are a blank slate someone will think you are deep or something and probably talk to you.
- Get "I don't care anymore" drunk/high but not "I'm sad that I don't care anymore" drunk/high.
- Find your shoes early and place them strategically for easy exit.
posted by Cam at 3:58 PM
2 Comments:
What you really need to do is bring someone (a girl in your case) that is interested in you. Someone whom you have no mutual feelings for. That way, you will want so desperately to not be stuck around the person that likes you that you will suddenly be the coolest guy at the party who talks to anyone about anything.
I always have a feeling that the sage wisdom of others tends to come from a deep seated hatred towards me
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