"Melanie is a character singer who invests a great deal of personality in her interpretations–"I’m a Gigilo" was a definite knockout, while her "I Happen to Like New York" was lovely... It makes for two hours of musical enjoyment, but after a while it all becomes a bit too much–sort of like deciding to eat that entire box of Callebaut chocolates in one sitting. The delight morphs into a rather determined enjoyment. Find Me a Primitive Man! needs to be about 30 minutes shorter for the comfort of the audience and performers."

Above is a review of the performance of my highschool crush someone sent me from Edmonton's local indie rag. Personally my review would have gone more like this:

"Melanie showed great promise at the start of the production as she let me feel her nearly perfect peach shaped ass only a few weeks after meeting her. Impressed with her spunk, I was sad upon reading her bio to find she had a boyfriend. Well, after a long period offstage Melanie returned with great fanfare in a tragic part as this reviewer's best friend's girlfriend. She invested a great deal of her personality in making me not feel like a tool as the third wheel on many of their dates. Her rendition of "talking to me while we were in line for Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stone" left me weak in the knees. Needless to say by the time my friend had cheated on her, I was excited to see where this story was headed. Unfortunately the nearly year-long period of friendship, endless dance recitals and subtle wooing was a bit long and the first "date" at "Lord of the Rings" where Melanie fell asleep ironically had me reaching for my nightcap as well. Thankfully the climax in the a van at aftergrad was a knockout and worth the pain of the previous scenes.Sadly, like so many epic stories this one falls flat in the third act. Her renditions of "Prove that you love me", "I dont like to eat in front of people" and "I'll call you (but won't)" left me confused as to her motivations and wanting an exit , though longing for more from the production. By the time she had left the stage this reviewer was heartbroken that a production could start so well, have such interesting twists and turns and just fizzle out into nothing. Needless to say, Melanie left MelaME wanting more."

Sorry, I had to throw a little Gene Shalet in there.

Oh, and even with the above being said, her portrayl of the nanny in the Secret Garden has assured whenever I hear a Yorshire accent I get an erection.

Four stars

CAM