On first days
One thing I'll never miss about University is the first day of classes.
Not due to the worry of new professors, new classes full of potential friends/foes and new material which may finally prove too hard or terrible or boring for me but instead it's the unwritten rule of first days which gets to me the most:
You must be one of the best looking people in class.
There are only two ways to have immediate gravitas and respect in a classroom setting. One is to be profound. Considering you are entering courses which you assumedly know little to nothing about this involves either being a god-gifted genius or an inordinate amount of reading ahead which is, of course, only for dorks.
That leaves me, you and everyone we know with only one other option:
Be within the top five best looking people in the class.
If most people think you are good looking and, god willing, are sexually attracted to you they will care what you say and assume when you say something stupid it was some sort of a slip up to be later made up for with your undoubtedly witty and learned personality. Every time you answer a question wrong you are simply too cool for their structured learning and need some help to understand and every time you get one right, no matter how small, it's a beautiful gem pouring from your gilded lips and means 1000 times more than what a regular or ugly person says.
Think of the last time a fat, sweaty, pimply person in one of your classes got a question wrong. Regardless of how much you like their personality you snickered. Probably out loud. It's the lay of the land folks and it must be realized.
Lucky for most of us the really attractive people ("perfect 10s" or "model hot") don't go to university. They go straight into modeling, acting, singing, high class escorting or get married. If any of them do accidentally matriculate into university they are thankfully shuffled to the questionably academic faculties created, one can assume, by the Greeks and honed by the British system to sit them all in a room together until they eventually fuck, accidentally conceive a child and are forced out of university and back into that working world expressly made for the ultra-hot.
So that leaves us, the 5-9s, with the task of washing our hair and wearing our coolest clothes in an attempt to become the early lead for the aesthetic, and then logically, mental leader of the classroom.
I know what you are saying " I bet if i just wear jeans instead of sweats and put a lot of bobby pins in or a headband on I could get away being in the Top 10 and...well... that's good enough for me"
HA!
You're telling me that you are willing to sit there and say "tell me more, tell me more" while the various other Sandys and Danny Zuckos of the class take all the fawning intellectual attention of the class and the professor. Nobody wants to be Doody or Frenchie COME ON.
So we all must go again into that bright cold morn paying perhaps that the old rocker shirt or year odl designer shoes are enough to put us just ahead of that kid who might be half black or something with crazy hair and the new A Life Wu-Tang gear or that girl who seems like she'd probably be slutty even though she dresses really buttoned down.
Use up your christmas money quick or it's going to be a bumpy year.
CAM
One thing I'll never miss about University is the first day of classes.
Not due to the worry of new professors, new classes full of potential friends/foes and new material which may finally prove too hard or terrible or boring for me but instead it's the unwritten rule of first days which gets to me the most:
You must be one of the best looking people in class.
There are only two ways to have immediate gravitas and respect in a classroom setting. One is to be profound. Considering you are entering courses which you assumedly know little to nothing about this involves either being a god-gifted genius or an inordinate amount of reading ahead which is, of course, only for dorks.
That leaves me, you and everyone we know with only one other option:
Be within the top five best looking people in the class.
If most people think you are good looking and, god willing, are sexually attracted to you they will care what you say and assume when you say something stupid it was some sort of a slip up to be later made up for with your undoubtedly witty and learned personality. Every time you answer a question wrong you are simply too cool for their structured learning and need some help to understand and every time you get one right, no matter how small, it's a beautiful gem pouring from your gilded lips and means 1000 times more than what a regular or ugly person says.
Think of the last time a fat, sweaty, pimply person in one of your classes got a question wrong. Regardless of how much you like their personality you snickered. Probably out loud. It's the lay of the land folks and it must be realized.
Lucky for most of us the really attractive people ("perfect 10s" or "model hot") don't go to university. They go straight into modeling, acting, singing, high class escorting or get married. If any of them do accidentally matriculate into university they are thankfully shuffled to the questionably academic faculties created, one can assume, by the Greeks and honed by the British system to sit them all in a room together until they eventually fuck, accidentally conceive a child and are forced out of university and back into that working world expressly made for the ultra-hot.
So that leaves us, the 5-9s, with the task of washing our hair and wearing our coolest clothes in an attempt to become the early lead for the aesthetic, and then logically, mental leader of the classroom.
I know what you are saying " I bet if i just wear jeans instead of sweats and put a lot of bobby pins in or a headband on I could get away being in the Top 10 and...well... that's good enough for me"
HA!
You're telling me that you are willing to sit there and say "tell me more, tell me more" while the various other Sandys and Danny Zuckos of the class take all the fawning intellectual attention of the class and the professor. Nobody wants to be Doody or Frenchie COME ON.
So we all must go again into that bright cold morn paying perhaps that the old rocker shirt or year odl designer shoes are enough to put us just ahead of that kid who might be half black or something with crazy hair and the new A Life Wu-Tang gear or that girl who seems like she'd probably be slutty even though she dresses really buttoned down.
Use up your christmas money quick or it's going to be a bumpy year.
CAM
posted by Cam at 1:33 AM
1 Comments:
didi conn is fucking hot.
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