Dear Middle America
I'm sorry you thought the gay craze was over and the gay mafia was a joke.

they are secretly getting at your kids apparently.

You learn so much from looking at erotica related blogs and reading copies of Star magazine at work.

Is the world still so racist that Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod can't publicly cry out their passion for one another?

Note: this post started as a joke but when researched became a sad fact

More work shirts:


(thats charles manson in a wrestling mask if you are confused)
At the start of the summer i was going to make this a comic blog until I found out our scanner at home didn't work. And also this was before I worked 6 days a week and was lazy.

This one was about a day I went to Wendy's and was excited about fast food but reminded why I didnt like to eat in public by a severely burnt up latino kid and a deadbeat Dad fighting with his kid over his visitation rights and how "if the kid didnt want to be there he could tell his mom to stop harassing him".

This is the first physical piece of my film. I celebrated passing the 1000 dollar mark in my budget (1153.08 to be exact) by going to a cute local custom dress shop's sale. Unfortunately dresses were still ridiculously priced but I managed to get this perfect skirt for 20 dollars. Having a bit of the film actually exist suprisingly worked as a motivational tactic. I'm going to try to start working out the kinks in my script tonight.

I expect to instead watch at least 3 episodes of battlestar galactica before I give up and go downstairs.

Not so lovely lady lumps

Now it's floating about actual T.V. I may as well tell you how I feel about 'The Hills'.

Utterly depressed.

At first it was vilifying to see drama hungry reality show personalities smacked in the face with the harsh reality that most people don't find reality show drama amusing and/or interesting outside of reality shows. Also seeing spoiled people try to conform to jobs and either end up brainless suckups (lC) or angry about not immediately getting to the top (Heidi).

But man, I watch t.v. to see people party. I want stupid girls to be stupid and get in lame fights over surfer boys who aren't worth anyone fighting anyway. I want people to get drunk and fall in pools. I watch t.v. to see people do what I don't spend every day doing. Once reality stars are beaten down by reality however ironic they end up no better than people with bad personalities.

Also, there's something seemy about the guys on this show. On again off again relationships are cute so long as both sides of that relationship are cute. When one side is creepy it becomes unsettling.

That said there are about 80 holes in my life which must be plugged with television. I love you 'the hills'

It has come to my attention that I hate writing those epic blogs so instead I'm just going to write small ones often when things strike me. If this one is any indication...PURE GOLD

Today at work an incredibly unattractive/fat person asked for a tampon. There was something about that image which completely confounded me then the fact that I was confounded confounded me even more.

Apparently I'm surprised unattractive women menstruate? More surprisingly I associate menstruation, the usual confusing fear of every man, with attractive girls.

I suppose it could be evolutionary wherein I associate attractiveness with fertility so of course I imagine those unattractive as barren or a-biologically functioning.

Or I could just be a horrible person who has too much time on their hands at work.

This week in Cameron
"The point of Moby Dick is: be yourself"
An interesting thing has happened with my work. I've been re-exposed to popular music.
Thus of course I'm re-exposed with overplayed songs I hate like oh...lets say... Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy". The strange thing though is in B.C. I'd never listen to the radio or much music at all so I never heard this song in its heyday and really only hear it once , maybe twice a day if you include the remix. Somehow though the knowledge that its overplayed perhaps or some other force weighs on me so listening to it drives me completely insane. So much so my co-workers will turn it off when it comes on.
The same thing exists with James Blunt's "Beautiful" which, honestly outside of movie trailers and t.v. ads I think I've only heard about 4 times (including a hauntingly accurate rendition by Mike Hingston at a Dairy Queen) but again, its like knives in my ears. This song's not especially bad and Mr.Blunt being a military man and dating a model who's husband was swept away by a tsunami may be the badassest man alive...but still...just too much. He even has said so publicly.
Is My brain swayed by public opinion of overplayed bad music regardless of the amount I've actually heard it? I don't know.
Someone at work tried to exonerate Gnarls via the showmanship surrounding their performance at the Movie awards (see above( but Fie on that I say. I have seen showmanship save a band I didn't like, put their song on my ipod, show me what the muppet show would look like if it existed today AND make me a little gay and in comparison to that sir, Gnarls is just wearing costumes.

This is my first shirt from Bang-On. It is my work shirt and I love it. The only other thing I'll say about it is if I didn't work there it would have cost me $57.

For Father's day I took my dad Geocaching which is still his favorite thing. To me the best part is trespassing, a total disregard for nature and looking seedy in public places. As I poked around a tree with a fence post a teen on his bike awkwardly waved so I saluted him and kept poking. He passed by 4 more times before we found the cache.I still have yet to find anything in those caches that makes the public embarrassment really worthwhile BUT at least today I've found out I seem to have developed a sort of immunity to mosquito bites. amazing.

With this picture Baby Hippo easily vies for the top spot of lesser known cute baby animal.
When I look at this I realize that waaaaay back when Disney people really knew their zoological shit. If you had have told me a week ago that the smelly, food stuck between their teeth, evil seeming cement colored bag of shit animals Hippos had cute babies I'd be like "sure maybe in Disney cartoons". You win again you anti-Semitic frozen head.

I'd suggest anyone go see "An Inconvenient truth" the Al Gore movie and not because it enlightens you on global warming, oh no.
I walked in confident stroking my beard and clucking my tongue confident in the years of David Suzuki teachings that this would be a big ol' pat on my back for believing in Global Warming since I was a child. Boy did Al Gore see my ass coming a mile away.
The brilliance comes in the fact that his presentation is both
a) geared to break down the myths and stereotypes surrounding global warming so Joe "it doesn't exist" accepts it
and
b) geared to pretty awesomely confront Joe Hippy "believes in global warming" as to "why the fuck haven't you blown up a building over this???"
When I heard the movie was part biography of Al Gore I groaned but man it's a pretty brilliant dissection of someone who's incredibly passionate about something and how his life impeded and informed that passion. It honestly makes you feel you should be a thousand times more passionate over what you believe in and what you love. Did I mention it's Al Gore who does this?
And he's passionate in a sweet, deep voiced scientific kind of way which is something we sorely miss nowadays. I mean if I compare his talk to, lets say, "film"maker Arin Crumley's recent snot-filled plea for not partitioning the internet Gore's stonefaced, dare I say Lincolnish rhetoric makes Crumley seem like a 12 year old who's just yelling at me to do something he maybe doesn't understand (sidebar: Isn't the internet world wide? how can the united states partition it?).
Also, he's secretly really funny too. I guess he just needs like 3 decades to plan a joke before he says it.
That said it didn't convince me to do much more than continue politically pushing towards ending global warming. I have yet to see a movie which convinces me one man can make a difference.

How creepy is the "forget me" function on the beta of the new MSN? At least now we know Microsoft easily sways to the demands of creeps, stalkers and jealous lovers.
This week I re-watched "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" a movie which when it came out I loved. Like almost bought the soundtrack loved. Well...now...a scant years later I loathed it to the point I couldn't finish it. That was when I realized how much of the musical theater loving, tickets to Le Mis as a present getting, spontaneously bursting out into song version of Cameron has been buried somewhere unknown for reasons I cannot explain. Did I just grow out of it or switching cities make me deep down want to re-invent myself? Is the fact that I'm no longer surrounded by girls who are at all impressed with basso profundo impressions of Showboat/Sweeney Todd?
Its kind of tragic to lose one of your peculiarities. Being a flamboyant heterosexual was kind of my peccadillo. This sort of sent me for a loop as to what sort of space I fill nowadays...
But then I watched the Tonys and felt better about myself. Deep down Bob Fosse and Bernadette Peters still make me smile.

Dear Mike Hingston,

I found a good career for you.

Love, Cam. Man the new Sunday night lineup on HBO is an orgasm and a half not the least of which is Louis C.K's new sitcom "Lucky Louie". I was always impressed at his ability to constantly make me laugh regardless of the fact that most of his act is calling kids assholes and I'd read reviews saying his sitcom did little but add swears to the traditional formulae but man oh man was fuck, shit and "your pussy is a chamber of financial ruin" exactly what sitcoms were missing.
Also, lately a good 40% of my work, if I'm on the army surplus side which has about 10 customers per 8 hour shift, is babysitting for the single mom who works in the back and I've realized that yes I am still in the "kids are assholes" camp. I held my friends baby and felt good and happy and maybe I'd changed my opinions on kids but there's something about the like talking age to about 8 year olds where I just don't have time for their idiocy. Listening to a little girl tell a story about her dad farting over and over while she does the worst job at hide and seek EVER is the boringest thing of all time. I don't have the energy to deal with things which don't amuse me or that I don't enjoy in the slightest so being the funny clown for kids is a tough job because I feel like I'm faking it the whole time. I assume the missing factor is that I don't care for the kids one iota beyond not seeing them hurt or killed or alone so maybe with my or my friend's kids it'll be different. one would hope.
At least I can rest assured I'll never be a pedophile because man sex would so not be worth sitting through all those goddamn fart stories.

I fill my empty life with Blog
Here's some links I am amused by to amuse yourself with as well. lets all bask in the unstimulation that is summer:
Celebrity Gossip is Important
Why just watch t.v. when i can read about it too?
You thought i was kidding about baby animals?
Art B'art C'art D'art E'art F'art
Patton Oswalt!
Interesting Interviews and Homoerotic Erotica (redundant?)
Tasks to make you happy
Watch ads without the annoying t.v. shows
Continue regressing to childhood
Interesting interviews but no erotica homo or otherwise
Old man scriptwriter complains about the kids of today
Reminds me of being a kid and purchasing anything with a good cover
Especially for nerds
wait...more gossip
Young kid scriptwriter complains about old men
I'm not smart enough to write for the simpsons
He is though
Do ask do tell
The voice of Zorak in Nerdblog form
This balances out all the art

that should satisfy you until next week

The Only Two Reasons To See the New "The Omen" Remake

1. Liev Schreiber continues his remake spree but this time chooses to play his entire role with a tight-lipped 'err'-ing Gregory Peck voice. LITERALLY.

oh, and he punches a dog.

2.By getting kicked in the face and run over by a car in a movie the same year Woody Allen got nominated for an Oscar, Mia Farrow makes this movie less a piece of horror cinema and more a public announcement it's cool for old men to sleep with their teenage Asian daughters

we love you Woody

CAM

P.S. In response to your Question: Every single day of my life.

Read:
The Master and Margarita
ChristopherVogler (abandonded)

Reading back and forth:
Tough, Tough Toys for Tough, Tough Boys by Will Self
Stranger Things Happen by Kelly Link
My thoughts blogged more eloquently than I could ever imagine

Watched:
Who's Who
Nuts In may
Morgan : A suitable case for treatment
Bob Le Flambeur
2003 Oscar Shorts
Murder By Death
Wilby Wonderful
Anne Frank: The Lost Pages
Cakey! The Cake from Outer Space
The Puppet Rapist
Teen Homicide
My Wife, The Ghost
The Hills
Battlestar Galactica Season 1
Black Adder Series 1
Shaolin Soccer
Henry Fool
South of Wawa
Long Life, Happiness and Prosperity

Currently worked at Bang-On:
2 hours

Current budget of film:
$527

So we're all going to die, huh?
Funny thing is growing up with a Mom working at a hospital you get the inside scoop on epidemiology. For the past ...oh...8 years my mom's been like "oh there's a flu pandemic coming" etc. etc.
You can Imagine how much 12 year olds love hearing that. But we're the ripe age to fight it off. And seriously we can be the new Teddy Roosevelts. Wait...was that fever? polio?
Regardless, I'm glad I chose this week to finally try New England Clam Chowder.

A bit disappointing. I'd probably call it "New England Potatoe Stew (NOW WITH CLAMS!)".

In an act surely denoting artificial intelligence and, thus artificial jackassery my laptop decided to break this week. Its just a hinge for the display so now its like some retarded baby animal which can't support the weight of it's own head.

I figured "oh well, 'tisn't a problem" but the quote on the repair is TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!!!!

For the next while my blogging will have to happen with my toshiba cradled in some sort of an electronic pieta.

Don't get me started on how impossible this makes the enjoyment of internet pornography.

If i may make a humble suggestion...

In your life you may be given the opportunity to choose the future profession of the girl you had a Duckie-esque devotion to in highschool. If you do may I suggest: Succesful Musical Theater Performer.

There's nothing like the tangy zip of depressive annoyance you'll feel when every friend you have informs you of the casting of 'Footloose' at the local dinner theater.

It's really an emotion that ought to be experienced en masse.

Finally, the premiere of "The Hills" the spinoff of my lifeblood "Laguna Beach: The Real O.C." happened this wednesday and, like any redheaded stepchild, it was a little flatter and less appealing than anything plucked from the original loin. I mean it focusses on L.C. boringest of the boringsons alive. And there's not a single recurring male cast member to slap them around a bit.

but BUT it did offer two things which will keep me watching:
1) It seems to have a delightful moral of "you can't act like Laguna Beach in real life and still keep your job/be a productive member of society" which, though I adore the lifestyles they lead, needs to be expressed so I can feel better about sitting in my bedroom and doing paperwork all day instead of going on 5 dates.
2) They may be full of shit but they definitely teased that LC FUCKING MARRIES JASON! wow. just wow. Now I know where the idiot couples at dinner parties come from. wow.

Enough of the gush.

Work actually starts sunday.

CAM